Violent Guard

Hey, you! Yes, you, {username}! Come here! And don't give me that look - what's that for? Can't you see who's in front of you? Huh?! Huh?! I see that you see.
Listen, we used to have a scarecrow here to chase away the crows. But then that damned thunderstorm happened, a lightning struck here, and the scarecrow started wandering around. That's just wrong! Scarecrows shouldn't walk around! What are you laughing at? Huh?
Are you laughing at me? I'll punch you in the teeth!
Such disrespect... Anyway, go... deal with this! Put it back where it was!

It's a nightmare!

There you go! Keep that up!
Why are you standing around? Get out of here!